Michael Munas (michaelboy) wrote,
Michael Munas

Maps of Something

When you were small, were you disappointed when you found out there weren't lines painted around geographic boundaries as you might see on a printed map? I remember riding in my parents car while hoping for some discrete and massive change of 'something' as we crossed into West Virginia.

Just as when you're older, you ultimately discover there aren't many solid lines around the various countries of the heart. The boundaries seem to melt into the others with a whole set of convoluted tangles and twists such that no sharp straight line can be drawn between them.

Many folks seem to have trouble making decisions out of fear of making the best choice out of all possibilities. Or upon choosing, they fret with the fear that they've picked a path that wasn't the absolute best one.

I think about how many bad choices I made as a single parent but they were made with all I knew at the time even though there weren't many distinct boundaries by which to navigate. I do know I that I might not recognize these today if I hadn't dared to live them with more than a simple weighing of definable and discrete yes/no alternatives.

Last night my littlest girl (we'll she's really a young woman of twenty-two), sent me this text message:

"I want you to know how much I look up to you. You are so strong and the best person I know. I hope to be like you one day. I only wish I could live my life like you. I never say it so I want you know...I love you so much and I appreciate everything"

I wish I knew how to live up to such a thing. I am not so strong but I do know -- that I love her immensely.

* * *

You take the wheel one more time like I showed you
We've reached the strait once even I could not go through

I am the captain and I have been told
But I am not shaken, I am eight years old
And you are still young, but you'll understand
That the stars of the sea are the same for the land
And we came to learn the sea
~ From: "We Learned the Sea", Dar Williams
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